Black Women….Not Enough

Not Enough Net Worth:  

Apparently, a recent report “a leading economic research group,” social scientists are looking focusing on the financial plight facing African American women.  According to an article written by Tim Grant in The Post-Gazette:

Women of all races bring home less income and own fewer assets, on average, than men of the same race, but for single black women the disparities are so overwhelmingly great that even in their prime working years their median wealth amounts to only $5.”

Among the most startling revelations in the wealth data is that while single white women in the prime of their working years (ages 36 to 49) have a median wealth of $42,600 (still only 61 percent of their single white male counterparts), the median wealth for single black women is only $5.  Read more.

You cannot be serious!!!

Not Enough Positive Roles for Black Actresses No Matter How Precious We Are:  

Mary Mitchell wonders when black women will get positive roles in Hollywood, recalling how she, like many young girls, fantasized about being up on that stage, clutching that gold-plated statue and giving an emotional acceptance speech.  In reflecting on Mo’Nique’s Oscar win, Mitchell writes:

Reviewers had nothing but praise for Mo’Nique’s brutal portrayal of the physically and sexually abusive mother.

Still, the character is an incredibly harsh stereotype of a poor black mother.

But it was the right choice for Mo’Nique.

Her career can only go up, and like other actors and actresses who have accepted controversial roles, she makes no apology for it.

“It can be about the performance and not about the politics,” Mo’Nique said in thanking the Academy for the honor.

This was Mo’Nique’s first dramatic role, and in her acceptance speech, she thanked Hattie McDaniel, the first black Oscar winner, for paving the way.

Obviously, Hollywood has come a long way since McDaniel won for playing Scarlett O’Hara’s loyal slave in “Gone with the Wind.”

But I can’t recall the last time I’ve seen the kind of “strong black woman” that the late Coretta Scott King once described in a movie.

Not Enough Black Women in Politics:

The Root reflects on the dearth of Black women in elective office:

Women are only 17 percent of the United States Congress, with the 21 African American, Hispanic and Asian females comprising only 4 percent. The number of black women in Congress has flat-lined since 1992, the so-called “Year of the Woman”: There were 11 black women in 1992; 13 in 2002, and only 13 today.

“It is definitely more complicated running for office as a woman,” says Andrea Dew Steele, founder of Emerge America, a nonprofit that trains women for political leadership. “We don’t feel as qualified as men; we’re not recruited in the same numbers; we feel turned off by the mechanics; we have persistent family barriers, and we don’t have the same networks as men.”

All The Single Ladies!

Sometimes the single life doesn’t feel like a Beyonce video.  And as we learned from Race Talk’s Angela Stanley, it ain’t cheap either.  Shoveling duty over the last two weeks has also put me in the “yeah, I’m independent, but I could still use some help!” mood.  There is still snow on the ground but really, spring is just around the corner.  So it’s a perfect time for a reminder on how to make the most of the single life.

I’m single because I was born that way. —Mae West

Focus on friendship. Being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely. When you’re single, you have more time to do a variety of things, all of which are opportunities to forge new friendships. Even if you’re an introvert, this can be an excellent time to nurture your extroverted side. But social butterflies can grapple with loneliness too. Make it a priority in your life to create meaningful friendships and enrich your existing ones.

Enjoy your freedom. Everybody has radical little fantasies…and the chances of pairing up with someone who shares such a fantasy with equal fervor is not something to hold your breath for.   So what are you waiting for? Find some people who have the same idea, or just go for it alone, and you’ll meet like-minded people along the way.

Appreciate the absence of compromise. Classic relationship advice dictates that compromise and sacrifice are essential to a healthy relationship. Perhaps if you’ve been in a relationship before, you realize how much stuff you had to give up in order to make that relationship work. Or maybe you forgot about that stuff, because you’re focused on the things you miss. Well, this is a good time to shift that focus. If you’re a slob, isn’t it great to be able to leave your stuff laying around, without anybody minding? If you’re a neat freak, isn’t it wonderful to be able to organize everything, and find it the way you left it? Isn’t it nice to be able to cook and eat and enjoy foods that a partner might be averse to? Isn’t it cool to be able to go out spontaneously, without wondering whether your partner can or should be invited? A relationship can add many good things to your life, but it also adds some rigidity, so take the time to appreciate your current flexibility.

Cherish the excitement.Relationships tend to come along with planning–for example, you can’t just accept a job across the country without touching base with your significant other. And generally, if you’re in it for the long haul, you’ll likely talk about what you’ll be doing years from now. But when you’re single, the future is completely open. Today you’re at your desk, and a year from now you might be camping in Alaska. Right now you’re single, but tomorrow you might meet your soulmate. Who knows? Fantasize. Be spontaneous. Be bold.

Inspiration provided by wikiHow, a wiki building the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual.

The Cost of Being Single and Childfree

It’s apparently more cost efficient to be married than it is to be single. Well, perhaps not in all cases, but there does seem to be benefits that are pretty good and, so far, largely unattainable for single people. Though many have delved into the financial pros and cons of being married versus single, few are discussing who will potentially be disproportionately affected given the attention paid to the “marriage crisis” of Black women. If Black women are significantly less likely to be married than any other group of Americans, it stands to reason that Black women will also be missing out on many of the economic, professional, and even personal perks that many others will benefit from in their lifetimes.

The Finances

Obviously, having two household incomes and sharing expenses lessens the monthly expenditures for married couples versus single people. Food, utilities and monthly mortgage/rent paid in entirely by one person, now split in half when incomes unite, makes finances a bit more manageable, I would imagine. In addition, car and homeowner insurance rates drop – married couples are deemed less of a risk – and health insurance becomes more affordable. Married couples have access to health insurance through their spouses which has proven to be much less expensive than having to pay individually. Married couples are able to plan for retirement earlier, and Social Security taxes are lower. Single people, on the other hand, don’t have access to anyone else’s Social Security or pension benefits, and cannot transfer their own earned benefits to anyone else.

Speaking of taxes, according to a 2006 Forbes.com article, “The married couple also gets some relief on both federal and Social Security taxes, thanks to the slightly lower tax rates associated with joint filing. They pay out a combined 29% of their salaries, compared with the 35% the single person pays.” For now, the marriage penalty is virtually eliminated so that the higher-earning spouse can protect his or her income from higher taxes. As PsychologyToday.com explains it, “[The] so-called ‘marriage penalty’ is calculated by comparing two sets of couples—one unmarried and one married. A single person reporting the same taxable income as a married couple filing jointly always pays more in taxes. Remember that married couples can be rewarded with those lower taxes even if only one spouse works, so it is not just a matter of comparing two workers to one.”

People with children can also receive tax credits, so a couple with a child will see a much larger tax return than a single person without a child. Of course, single people can have children too, but a tax credit pales in comparison to the expense of raising a child on one income versus two.

The Workplace

Even in the workplace, the differences between married versus single people can be seen, or at least felt. “A recent CareerBuilder.com survey found more than 21 percent of workers who have never been married believe their companies show favoritism to married co-workers over single ones. Even more workers who have never been married (nearly 30 percent) claim their company provides more flexibility for married co-workers over single ones.” Whether it is flexible work schedules, extra personal time, or maternity and paternity leave, the differences are there. Granted, it’s nice to work in an accommodating environment, however, for many, the accommodations can feel like favoritism.

In many cases, companies have gatherings for spouse and family appreciation. There are often occasions for couples to mix and mingle with higher-ups and their spouses. Play dates between co-workers with children of similar ages often lead to better relationships and more opportunities at work. All of these things can give the appearance of what some might call an unfair advantage for married couples and parents.

The Personal Life

As Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City so memorably put it, “You know what? I am Santa. I did a little mental addition and over the years I have bought Kyra an engagement gift, a wedding gift, then there was the trip to Maine for the wedding, three baby gifts…in total I have spent over $2300.00 celebrating her life…If you are single, after graduation, there isn’t one occasion where people celebrate you.” Although humorous, single people shell out big bucks to celebrate the life choices of their friends who are married and/or have children. Pointing it out here doesn’t mean that single people don’t enjoy doing special things for friends, it’s merely an acknowledgment that these things come up often, they can be expensive especially on one income, and they are rarely reciprocated.

In terms of an emotional and physical expense, married couples are said to be healthier, live longer, less likely to smoke or drink heavily (which lowers rates of cardiovascular disease, cancer and respiratory disease), less likely to contract STDs, manage stress better and are less likely to suffer from the physically and emotional ailments that stem from it, and have lower rates of mental illness and suicide. All of these are huge positives that singles, by default, will have to work extra hard at to achieve.

Single Black Women

With all of the media attention that has been paid to the dismal marriage rates for Black women, little discussion is taking place around the financial, physical, and emotional burdens of it all. Yes, single Black women are buying homes, earning college degrees, having children, and succeeding at careers, but doing all of that alone can take its toll and can be largely unfair, making for one unhealthy and unhappy person. It is also the case that single mothers, in general, are more likely to live in poverty; but, 21% of single Black mothers are in poverty, versus 6% of single White mothers. In 2001, the poverty rate for Black women was more than double that of White women. If estimates are correct and upwards of 70% of Black women will never marry, the vast majority of Black women will be disproportionately affected by the expenses of being single. With noticeable differences regarding the workplace, insurance rates, health and monetary benefits, taxation, and social norms and a population of people unable to marry, it’s time to rethink those norms and accommodate a changing society that no longer consists of a married majority. It’s unfair to reward the life choices of some and not others when all are valid realities that should be treated as such. In the end, Carrie Bradshaw says it best. “The fact is sometimes it is hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes; that’s why we need really special ones now and then, to make the walk a little more fun.”

Written by Angela Stanley @ Race-Talk (cross-posted with permission)

Black Men and Marriage

In case you missed it, Yolanda Young wrote an opinion piece in the USA Today on the much talked about issue of single black women, and asks, “what about the men?”

As a single, African-American woman, I shrug each time a new pessimistic report comes out highlighting the dismal state of affairs for black women desiring marriage. The latest incarnation was an ABC Nightline segment in December, in which a reporter ominously announced that “42% of black women have never been married. That’s double the number of never-married white women.”

What’s wrong with single, black women, you ask? Actually, other than marriage, we’re doing just fine in terms of education, career and earning power. But why doesn’t anyone ever ask about the dismal state of marriage for black males? According to the 2000 Census, 41.6% of black men have never been married. But while the percentages of unmarried black males and females are similar, the reasons are not.  Read the entire column.

Which One Are You?

Several news outlets have reported on a new study from Black Entertainment Television (BET) Networks – who knew they conducted studies?   “African Americans Revealed,” is a study of more than 80,000 African-American consumers over an 18-month span broken down into several individual research reports.  The report findings include a segmentation study, which revealed that African-Americans are not a monolithic group (can we get an amen?) but rather break down into distinct groups defined by similar characteristics, including buying power and habits, media consumption, and influences.  The report delineates African Americans into seven groups:

The Strivers: Mostly in their late 20’s to early 40’s and are adventurous, fashionable, social mavens and opinion leaders who have their eyes on climbing the executive ladder

Conscious Sisters: Selfless women that are spiritually connected and highly conscious of their culture

Tech-Fluentials: Digitally savvy and travel in globally conscious circles

Bright Horizons: Young adults in high school and college that are aware of all available technology  and electronic gadgets

Inner Circle Elites: Working women rich in their cultural, ancestral and spiritual roots

Urban Dreamers: Young, urban adults who are social magnets and trend setters intent on and focused on living life to the fullest

Survivors: Group of risk-taking teen and young adult males who are hustling to keep their existence in check.

Me? I’ve got a combination plate going on.  A striver with a side of consciousness and tech-fluential.

What about you?

What is Black Love?

What is Black Love? A simple woman like me would suggest that it is the love between a black man and a black woman. Perhaps that’s why there is such an uproar about Essence’s Black Love Issue with New Orleans Saints player Reggie Bush. For those of us not up on pop culture paparazzi news, the very handsome Reggie Bush is involved with reality TV vixen Kim Kardashian, who is not black.

Black women were offended and slightly miffed (to put it mildly). Me, I was slightly annoyed, but not offended.

The offense?

For some black women, perhaps it was interracial dating overall. I don’t have a foot squarely in that camp.

For others, it was the suggestion that Black Love wasn’t necessarily between a black man and a black woman. You might have my interest on that point.

Over at the Black Youth Project, Tamara makes a key observation…how does one define Black Love? And are black women a part of that equation?:

If we continue to expand the notion of Black Love so that it includes interracial relationships, the concept begins to erode, particularly, for Black women. We are the ones who will be pushed to the margins if the concept is expanded. Men are privileged enough to tell us that we shouldn’t be so concerned about our fading presence in the Black Love equation which simultaneously pushes the idea that we aren’t qualified to be in the equation at all. Where does that leave us?

So are we hung up on a definition or hung up on being removed from the equation?

No Black Prince for Disney’s Tiana?

Black women across America gave a collective “It’s about time” when Disney announced pre-production on a film featuring a black princess.

Disney has traveled a long road to move from its early caricatures of lazy, big-lipped, bug-eyed, zoot-suited blacks to Princess Tiana, an energetic, smart and in-charge heroine. But as the national release of The Princess and the Frog approaches, I join those who are disappointed that Disney chose not to give their first black princess a black prince.

Surely at some point in the brainstorming sessions, someone had to question the wisdom of Naveen, Tiana’s white love interest. The existence of interracial relationships on the screen does not offend me. The nonexistence of healthy, positive, inspiring black relationships offends me.

To object to a black princess and a white prince in Obama’s post-racial America upsets the sensibilities of some, and simply does not make sense to others. But pointing to the Obamas as proof that America has ample examples of black families and black love is as silly as it was to point to the Huxtables 20 years ago.

The unfortunate reality is that the big and small screens paint more pictures of black dysfunctional relationships than images of black couples falling and staying in healthy love. The Princess and the Frog is an excellent opportunity for the Mouse to add to the healthy images.

Much has been made of the improved self-esteem and personal empowerment that will come to black girls who now have a princess in their own image. To that point, black boys desperately need images of a dashing, courageous, smart black prince as much as black girls need images of a charming, courageous, smart black princess.

And yes, despite our displeasure at not having a black prince, my mama, my sister and I are breaking the bank this Christmas to buy my 2-year-old niece all manner of Princess Tiana merchandise. I suppose beggars can’t be choosy, after all.

Deana Bass is managing partner of CS Corporate, a public affairs firm with offices in Washington, D.C., and Wilmington, Del. Her occasional blog can be found here.  You can also find Ms. Bass on Facebook and Twitter.

Why Precious is Important (Movie Review)

After I agreed to write a review for the movie Precious I began to wonder if I’m the right person to do so. I say this because I am by no means a big movie-goer. In fact Precious is only the third movie I’ve seen this year — He’s Just Not That Into You and Hangover were the other two.

This piece is part review and part summary of the movie, so if you have not seen Precious but plan to do so then I recommend you stop reading now and come back after you have seen the movie; then you can see if you agree with both my recount of the story and my review. Enjoy and feel free to leave a comment!

I first heard of the movie Precious while watching an episode of Oprah, where I learned that she was one of the movie’s executive producers — along with Tyler Perry, and that Mo’Nique and Mariah Carey are in the film. When I saw the trailer I knew I needed to see the movie because I wanted more — I wanted to know Precious’ story.  A few days later a friend sent a group email via Facebook suggesting a girls-night-out to see the movie, followed by drinks. Just prior to seeing the movie I learned that it was based upon a book called Push by Sapphire. It seems that so many people I know had read the book, yet, I had never heard of it and I like to think that I’m in the know when it comes to pop culture. Maybe it is because the book was not mainstream, and I can now see that being the case.

The movie is the story of a teenage girl, Precious, played by newcomer Gabourey “Gabby” Sidibe, who is the victim of incest at the hands of both her father AND mother. The sexual abuse by her father produces two children. Her mother, Mary, brilliantly portrayed by Mo’Nique, sexually, verbally and emotionally abuses Precious — telling her at every turn that she is fat, ugly, and stupid; and that she is nothing and will never be anything. Mary seems to find it necessary to remind Precious that she has gotten pregnant twice by “her man,” as if Precious was somehow engaged in a consensual sexual relationship with her drug addict father. When we first meet Precious she has already had one child by her father and is pregnant with the second. She lives in an apartment that is perpetually dark, literally and figuratively, where she is at once treated savagely like a piece of meat by her father and the live-in help by her mother. Precious dreams of a better life for herself, which in her mind means that she is White with long flowing blonde tresses, and the man who loves her is her White teacher who is going to leave his White wife so the two of them can live happily ever-after. (It would take another article to explain the significance of this to those who do not understand it. I will leave that to someone else on another day.)

Sadly, Precious’ reality is that she is ostracized seemingly by the world — moving about it in a shuffling manner, communicating with mumbled words, and viewing it through squinted eyes. Precious’ value to her mother is that she cooks and cleans, and Mary makes money off of Precious and her first child in the form of welfare.

Things begin to change for Precious when she is kicked out of school because of her pregnancy and is sent to an alternative school. It is there where she begins to come out of her shell and forms a relationship with her teacher and the other students. It is there where we are given a glimpse into her soul, where there is light in her eyes and where she speaks with clarity. It is there where she finds love and a sense of belonging. When Precious returns home following the birth of her second child, Mary snaps, as if the sight of Precious and her newborn child are a reminder of the alienation of her husband’s affection and in a monstrous rage she tosses them from the apartment. It is at that moment when Precious decides to raise her children (she must first regain custody of her first child who lives with her grandmother) and give them the kind of life and love she never knew from her own parents but that she found with her classmates and her teacher, who along with her partner, opens her home to Precious and her child.

Just when you think the story of Precious will have one of those typical happy ever-after endings, she is dealt another blow. Mary arranges a meeting with Precious through her social worker, played by Mariah Carey, who is so stripped down (no makeup, mousy brown hair both on her head and upper lip!) that you forget you are looking at Mariah Carey. Mary comes to tell Precious that her father has died from AIDS and suggests to Precious that she may want to get tested. Mary acknowledges that she herself did not get tested because she and her husband never had anal sex. (Wow!) There are several scenes in the movie that are hard to watch to the point where I realized that each time there was such a scene I was holding my breath while tears streamed down my face — unable to comprehend or relate to the hate that I was witnessing, yet knowing there are children the world over who live this reality day in and day out.

Director Lee Daniels must have realized that no one could sit through two hours of horror so he allows us an opportunity to escape the pain along with Precious during her day-dreaming scenes, which were quite funny. Life is often a happy place inside of Precious’ head. Because of the way the movie is sequenced, I found myself going from tears to laughter to anger to laughter to tears and back to laughter. After Mary explained to the social worker, in front of Precious, how she could sit idly by while Precious’ father repeatedly forced himself upon her child, Precious got up and, for the first time walked away from Mary for the last time. Mo’Nique’s acting in this scene is so powerfully delivered with shades of vulnerability, hurt, disappointment and confusion that you almost forgot she is a monster and begin to feel sorry for her and think of her as a victim too. Almost. The movie ends with Precious learning that she is indeed HIV positive, but she is resolved to forge ahead and build a new life for herself and her children. And that’s how the movie ends.

To some it was a happy ending — triumph over adversity. However, the ending left me deeply disturbed, as I repeatedly asked “why did she have to be HIV positive?” Knowing that Precious will die and not see her children grow up left me terribly sad.

Although there is nothing about this movie with which I can personally identify, in the end I was happy that I saw it as it does serve as a reminder that one can overcome adversity with the love and support of mankind, and that we all have a responsibility to help the least of those among us.

The acting in this movie is superb. Gabby Sidibe IS Precious. I cannot imagine that anyone else would do this character justice. Mo’Nique earned her bona fides — she is now more than a comedienne, and Mariah Carey certainly made up for the disaster that was Glitter. I predict Oscar nominations in the acting categories for Sibide and Mo’Nique, and another for adapted screenplay. I would be stunned with anything less. Maybe blackgirlgrown will invite me back at Oscar time!

By the way, I was so emotionally exhausted following the movie that I bailed on drinks with the girls. I just wanted to go home and “be still” and comfort myself with the knowledge that I have been loved and wanted from day one.

- moviegirl

Women You Should Know: Jehmu Greene, President of the Women’s Media Center

The Women’s Media Center (WMC), a leading media advocacy and training organization recently announced that its board has unanimously chosen a new president: Jehmu Greene. Founded in 2005 by Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, and Robin Morgan, The Women’s Media Center works to make women more visible and powerful in the media, and is a nationally prominent voice fighting sexism and bias.

Throughout her career, Jehmu Greene has skillfully worked with the media to build powerful social justice movements. A frequent commentator on CNN, MSNBC, Fox News and elsewhere, Greene helmed Rock the Vote, the largest youth voter registration group. Under her leadership, its membership grew from 1500 to over 1 million. Earlier this year, Greene participated in the WMC’s nationally recognized leadership and media training program, Progressive Women’s Voices, which has trained over 60 progressive thought leaders who have achieved over 4000 media hits in the two years that the program has existed.

A native of Austin, Greene got her start working in the fertile ground of Texas politics including an early stint with Governor Ann Richards’ campaign in 1994. Greene later played key roles at both the Center for Policy Alternatives and the Democratic National Committee, where she ran the women’s office. An advisor and national surrogate for the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign, Greene has worked on over 20 political campaigns at the local, state and national level. The recipient of many awards from organizations including Essence Magazine, the National Conference for Community and Justice, the National Council of Research on Women, the American Association of University Women and others, Greene has served on numerous boards of directors for various media, politics and social justice organizations.

The Women’s Media Center makes women visible and powerful in the media. Led by our president, the Emmy-winning journalist, writer, and producer Carol Jenkins, the WMC works with the media to ensure that women’s stories are told and women’s voices are heard. We do this in three ways: through our media advocacy campaigns; by creating our own media; and by training women to participate directly in media. We are directly engaged with the media at all levels to ensure that a diverse group of women is present in newsrooms, on air, in print and online, as sources and subjects.

Guest Post: Sophia A. Nelson: An Open Love Letter to My Sisters

Fabulous, stunning, intelligent, warm, caring, devoted, successful, open, graceful, patient, kind, authentic, liberated, funny, multi-talented, entrepreneurial, powerful yet meek, strong yet feminine, nurturing, truthful, uncovered, seeking, spiritual, giving, loving and most of all triumphant.

These are just a few of the words that come to mind when I think of the beautiful accomplished black women that I know who have shaped my life, served as my role-models, been my self-less caretakers, inspired me, encouraged me, stuck by me, loved me, and who have helped to make me the woman I am today. All of you know women like this too. We are special, unique, precious and priceless. To say these things aloud is in no way meant to diminish the equally wonderful characteristics of our white, Latina, Asian, Middle-Eastern & Native American sisters.

Not at All.

But today I want to speak to us—the sisters who take care of everyone else—the sisters who go out and earn the money and still raise the family—the sisters who hold it down in an often hostile corporate or professional workplace. The sisters who quietly and patiently endure life’s slights, hurts, set-backs, and disruptions. Many of who endure them alone without that God intended coverer in the form of a husband or provider. Many of us are crying inside (I know), many of us are hiding, many of us want someone to say out-loud what we feel everyday—screaming at the top of our lungs (only doing so in our minds).

This is my “love letter” to the ladies who need to hear that they matter too, and that their contributions to our community and to each other will be well remembered generations from now. So often we get trashed at work, betrayed by false friends, battered by deadly words, shunned by weak men, envied by even weaker women who did not have the courage to go out and do what we did but want to reap the benefits just the same. Don’t let the rest of the world trick you into believing that you are less than, not as valuable as, or somehow born to just “endure”. That is not true dear sisters—it simply is a lie.

Too often we (ME) focus on the bad sisters we have come across. The ones who have maimed us, maligned us, stabbed us in the back. We focus on those who we believed loved us and yet who walked away without so much of a warning—we focus on those who told us what we could not be or what we could not achieve. As TD Jakes so rightly says “Let them GO—they were never meant for you—their part in your story is over. Accept it and move forward.

Shame on us for wasting our life’s precious energy in that way. We spend far too much time tearing one another down and not building each other up. Too many of us in positions to be role-models and servants, mentors, and repairers of the so-called breach—instead choose to hide, duck, and leave it to “someone else”. Too many of us in positions of power and influence talk one game, but live another. Just so you know, no-one is fooled sister—we see you– You will always know a woman’s heart by how she lives, by the fruit she bears in the form of her service to others, by her sacrifices of self to help others, by her willingness to elevate others higher, and by the impact of her positive deeds not the fleeting nature of her empty words.

We are not only meant to experience joy, love, happiness, and peace of mind—many of us are doing so and many of us are thriving in ways that we never celebrate!

I have been writing this “love letter” of sorts to my sisters for some months now, but nothing helped to focus me more on what I wanted to say than what I experienced last May in Naples, Florida with over 600 “sisters” from around the country. I was blessed enough to attend as a speaker the 10th annual Odyssey Women’s Network Conference. I am still on a high months later because I had a chance to see who we really are on a full-scale represented in every age, from every region of the country. I had no earthly idea (and I mean this) that there were so many successful, happily married, mothers of all ages who also happen to be accomplished black female powerhouses in America. That Is not the picture we see every day and it is one we all need to see more of.

I so needed this experience. I needed to be among my sisters. I needed to see that despite all that challenges us we are THRIVING and we are navigating, growing, learning, and transforming our lives into the direction of our hopes and dreams.

The world often sees us and describes us as too angry, too independent, too overbearing, too strong, not feminine enough, not “soft” enough, too hard, too bitter, too broken, too shallow, too and on and on. You all know the words. You have all experienced them in your workplace, and sadly in your families and relationships. Sometimes to be candid those words fit us. I have met the sisters (sadly most of them older than me and who should know better) and sometimes I have been the sister who was always looking for a fight, always looking to give someone a piece of my mind, always looking to “set her straight”. Always ready to “box”—when being corrected—always ready to throw a punch back and in doing so miss the message and opportunity for personal growth.

YUCK is all I can say—We need to get over it and STOP it.

Black women are resilient. They are strong, beautiful, and ever present. While I think many of the strengths we possess as a unique group likely apply to all women, there is no other group of women on earth that shares our great story. There is no group of women quite like us on earth. Dare I say no form of human being on earth that has demonstrated time and time again the ability to be knocked down, torn down, shattered and yet We originate from the center of the birthplace of civilization and we have endured the unthinkable. Embrace all that is wonderful about you sisters and remember we live in special times. Times that require us to mentor, encourage, uplift and inspire each other and the next generation of sisters!

If I have not love, I am nothing!

Sophia A. Nelson, President of iask

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