Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Where’s My Mom?

Physically, she’s probably sitting at home on the couch watching HGTV or The Biggest Loser.

But the mommy I once knew is gone.

My mother is battle-tested, and battle-scarred. But that never held her from moving us forward.

The last couple of years haven’t been a crystal stair. Hell, neither have the last 40 years. Raising me by herself wasn’t the easiest.

But one thing my mother never lacked was fight and determination.

She tells it like it is – whether you like it or not!

Though I’m a kinder, gentler version of her, I am always and forever my mother’s daughter.

I think that’s why it’s so hard to see the fight leave from her.

With only a high school education, my mother berated me to the point that not going to college was NOT an option. She ingrained in me the fight to always be smarter, get knowledge, and get better.

She held down multiple jobs and moved to foreign places (the suburbs) so that I could go to a decent school.

She fought hard for her daughter.

But lately it seems she won’t fight as hard for herself. And it scares the hell out of me.

I don’t mean to be overly dramatic.

Since her retirement two years ago, my mother just seems to be coasting. In her early sixties, she’s a young retiree chewed up and spit out by an unforgiving economy.

I constantly try to challenge her. “Mom, you can do anything, learn anything!” But she seems content to surf the Internet and watch HGTV.

Where is that fight she instilled in me? Where did it go?

Maybe I’m being too hard on her. I want her to thrive in this new season of her life. I don’t want her to waste away to the point that she is unable to take advantage of the same world she demanded that I embrace.

That’s the mommy I remember.

Let me know if you find her.

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