Thursday, February 9, 2012

Professional Black Women: You’ll Never Find a Husband

August 18, 2009 by  
Filed under black women, life, relationships

wedding bandsAt least according to some cold hard data.  You’ve probably read recent news articles this past week on the subject. I must admit I have subconsciously avoided reading them.  The current flurry of articles expound on research presented at the 104th annual meeting of the American Sociological Association.

Yes, it’s no longer anecdotal as social scientists have data and research confirming that the smarter and more accomplished you are, the less likely you are to get married. 

Hmm.  That’s a great lesson for young black girls.

According to Hannah Brueckner, professor of sociology at Yale University and the study’s co-author:

Both white and black highly educated women have increasingly delayed childbirth and remained childless, but the increase is stronger for black women.

So, what does the data say?

  • Black women born after 1950 were twice as likely as white women to never have married by age 45 and twice as likely to be divorced, widowed or separated
  • The gap in the proportion of black and white highly educated women living with a spouse has grown over the decades, increasing from 9 percent in the 1970s to 21 percent in 2000-2007
  • Black women are less likely than black men to marry outside their race, and, compared to whites and black men, they are least likely to marry a college-educated spouse

The study’s research sources and methodology:  The authors analyzed data from the U.S. Census Bureau’s Current Population Survey to uncover marriage and family trends among black women with postgraduate degrees. The Current Population Survey has surveyed approximately 50,000 households monthly for more than 50 years to collect data on the American labor force.

If you are interested in reading more, a copy of the paper’s executive summary is available here. And you can request a copy of the full paper from the American Sociological Association here.

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  • Sabs

    Solution? Step out of one’s “comfort zone” and quit worrying what others think. In other words, if one wants to date outside the race, then do so and the hell with what the brothas say. They do it all the time, why shouldn’t we? If you want to have a child, then either have one or adopt. It’s that simple.

  • VP

    I agree with Sabs. Yet single-parenting is no cake-walk, and has a host of unfortunate outcomes according to the stats, particularly in Black families. I suspect that many people fail to appreciate how insidious this situation is, and the great lengths many of us go to in order to deal with it (e.g. Condoleeza Rice; Oprah). As children, we had the same Cinderella-based fantasies as anyone else, except no one warned us that our Prince Charming would have to be either white or un-prince-like.

  • blackgirlgrown

    Ladies, thanks for your comments. Indeed, life is what you make it. As women we can choose to stay single, adopt a child as a single woman, and thrive. I’m here to cheer those sistas on. But what about those of us who don’t want the single life, but also don’t want to have to dumb themselves down to find a man? That was the part of the article that I found disturbing.

    Yes, SAB as you noted, there are alternatives and we need to step outside our comfort zones. Some of the best advice I’ve received is someone saying that “everything you want is just slightly outside your comfort zone.”

    VP: To your point on Prince Charming, we also didn’t realize that Prince Charning never had a job, or that 1 in 20 are HIV positive if you live in Washington, DC.

  • VP

    In DC, don’t lose your Jimmy Choo at the ball, or you might see Prince Charming trying to find the mate so that he can wear it himself.

  • http://www.blackfemaleaccomplished.com Sophia Nelson

    folks who commented on this article I would love to you to take the survey on http://www.blackfemaleaccomplished.com there is a national survey link and an instant poll running LIVE now.

  • http://facebook.com sharon

    well, have seen and feel that some men of color have brought this characteristic on to women of color(not exclusive of other cultures)… they that make them feel that they won’t survive without them… they try to keep them in a state of dependency… so, what do some women do, they make themselves more marketable in the work force and have the mentality that, i will take care of me… no man will ever need to take care of me…

  • http://facebook.com sharon

    for others, they’ve been raised in a home where there was no father figure either through death, divorce, or were abandoned.. we feel the need to become educated and/or creative to make sure we make it in our society/the job force… men also, on the whole, have been paid more than women and if we are going to make it in the economy, we have to fight to survive… i must admit, some have become quite competitive… many have put of childbearing till later in life because of their careers… they want to be independent, work, compete, make 5 – 6 figures a year, travel, enjoy life… to me, from a christian stand point, this is not what god had intended… he did not make man and woman to compete in life… we were/are to live together in love and harmony… the man is to be the bread winner… the woman the help meat… things have been thrown out of it’s original plan/state…

  • http://fabulous-boobies.blogspot.com/ Nic

    I’m STILL not trying to be a single-parent. No ma’am. No ma’am. NO way. Kids deserve and require two-parents and no matter how much I want kids, I’m not going to drive myself crazy — especially at this point in my life — trying to be everything when the design was that it would take two of us to raise a healthy child.

    I am working on stepping out of my comfort zone as far as dating goes, but I’m not finding a lot of success. I suppose I’m not really doing it right. But I am too tired of the madness and if I’m part of the epidemic of sistas who don’t find a suitable mate, so be it.

    This whole deal makes me angry sometimes.

  • 30something-professional

    I am 30-something educated, christian, and (I think) fairly atrractive black woman and I also a member of the Single scene.. however I am also a Single parent of a loving 10 year old female. Did I specifically choose to be a Single parent? of course not- but the situation chose me. Sometimes, you cannot prevent what life or fate hands you, you try to make the best of the situation while trying to survive both mentally and physically.

    I’d like to step out of my comfort zone and date outside of my race, however dating as a single-parent typically presents quite a challange. I accept my role as her mother, and I do not attempt to be her father also.. she has one of those. I can only wait patiently and also accept ” The Season” I am in, and enjoy the weather in peace while I am here….

  • Eye

    When I was 25 I wanted to be a mother, so I had a child. Now, 11 years later, I am finding out that this is really really hard becuase I am part of the successful black woman statistic and I have a child that depends on me for EVERYTHING. Just like I need emotional support, so does she. Just like I want someone there to share with, so does she. I am her EVERYTHING – emotionally, financially, spiritually, educatioanlly – everything. It is just hard. Not to mention the fact that I want to have someone in my life. After a string of failed relationships, I have just decided to give up on men period. I have dated outside my race, but I will not lower my standards. I will just LOVE myself and hopefully the love that I give to myself will attract the kind of man that is willing to share life with me, be my friend, man up and commit. It is every girl’s dream. We shouldn’t have to settle for less. We all want to have someone to share our lives with, the problem is that black men (the object of our desire) are not on our level.

  • what about

    Okay, here is the thing, what about black women who get counted as single but in put of fact are in long term committed relationships with other women? Sounds like a flaw in the data.

  • A black mans opinion

    I feel for the struggle of the black woman. I mean black women are the adults who have it the hardest in this world, yet prevail like no other. Honestly, to many black men have been beat down a long time ago, and many will never recover. I know history is not an excuse, but that prince charming “generally” never existed within the African American community, four hundred years of history is never erased except through “struggle.”

    And I am not asking sisters to “lower” their standards, I’m just speaking the facts of life and history. So if a sister finds a good black man who doesn’t have her educational level, she has a decision to make, either lower her standards/engage in the struggle with him and her or keep her standards/forget the fact that he is a good man, who doesn’t have her educational level.

    I personally thing sisters should also look outside the black race, but the tragic truth my sisters, is that even engaging in such deliberation reveals the black woman’s dilemma. It this Western society in which we Blacks reside in, its the man who goes after the woman not the other way around. The fact is white, asian, latino men don’t at all find black women at marriage material (remember little boys also had their female versions of price charming, and she was not black) at a rate that would solved this problem even in a minor way. And though a small fraction of non-white men would find that type of aggression attractive, the vast majority of them don’t.

    I would suggest that educated black women travel more, say to Europe were white men are less race conscious (because they don’t have a history of slavery), or to African countries like Ghana or Kenya were there are many very educated and relatively successful African men. The fact is attempting to proactively court non-white educated men will rarely work. This brings us back to the reality that in most cases a good, confident, I stress confident black man, even if he just has a high school, or some college training will love an educated black woman who is “above” his standards in ways, both conscious and subconscious, that few whites or latino with a Phd or MD ever will.

    if you meet a good confident black man, who makes you feel like a woman, but has less education then you do, by virtue of your proportionally higher education,the ball will most likely be in your hand not his, and though he may not be in the same league as your white co-workers spouses, if you shoot that ball he has the instinct to make you feel like the epitome of original beauty that you are, if you put the ball down, well you keep your acquired standards.

    Hope if you ever face that dilemma between the beauty struggle that is black love or lonely high standards (either alone or with someone who makes your heart feel lonely), you will take that ball and let your heart lead the way to eternal love.

  • http://www.cuttsconsulting.com/wp/ Nicole Cutts

    You make several good points in your post! Good luck to everyone looking for love. Maybe we should “be the change we want to see”

    Nicole Cutts, Ph.D.
    Cutts Consulting, LLC & Vision Quest Retreats

  • AW

    I TOTALLY AGREE WITH U BROTHA AND I OFTEN WONDER WHY OUR MEN DON'T LOVE US OR RESPECT US WHEN WE ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT HAVE BEEN THRU THE STRUGGLE WITH THEM AND LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY WHETHER THEY HAVE MONEY EDUCATION OR NOT? BUT WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AND KARMA IS A B###CH

  • AW

    ITS SAD THAT WE AS BLACK WOMEN HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME FINDING SUTIABLE MATES AMONG OUR OWN MEN BUT ITS TRUE AND THINGS ARE NOT GETTING ANY BETTER OUR MEN HAVE BEEN DESTROYED OR DESTROYED THEMSELVES BY BEING LAZY NON-SUPPORTING FATHERS OR FATHERLESS BUMS, UNEDUCATED GAY OR HIV POSITIVE. BUT HOWCOME A WOMAN OF ANOTHER RACE CAN FIND A GOOD ONE OR ARE THEY GETTNG THE SORRY LAZY UNEDUCATED ONES ALSO SINCE IT SEEMS LIKE SOCIETY SAYS THAT MOST OF THEM ARE.

  • AW

    I TOTALLY AGREE WITH U BROTHA AND I OFTEN WONDER WHY OUR MEN DON'T LOVE US OR RESPECT US WHEN WE ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT HAVE BEEN THRU THE STRUGGLE WITH THEM AND LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY WHETHER THEY HAVE MONEY EDUCATION OR NOT? BUT WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AND KARMA IS A B###CH

  • AW

    ITS SAD THAT WE AS BLACK WOMEN HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME FINDING SUTIABLE MATES AMONG OUR OWN MEN BUT ITS TRUE AND THINGS ARE NOT GETTING ANY BETTER OUR MEN HAVE BEEN DESTROYED OR DESTROYED THEMSELVES BY BEING LAZY NON-SUPPORTING FATHERS OR FATHERLESS BUMS, UNEDUCATED GAY OR HIV POSITIVE. BUT HOWCOME A WOMAN OF ANOTHER RACE CAN FIND A GOOD ONE OR ARE THEY GETTNG THE SORRY LAZY UNEDUCATED ONES ALSO SINCE IT SEEMS LIKE SOCIETY SAYS THAT MOST OF THEM ARE.

  • Truth A

    but many black women won’t just an ok size, no matter how educated the man is. it’s a mega size generation, some of them shd just keep wasting their time!